f---ed up food mentality

I hate that there has been so much drilled into our brains over the years about the latest fads, and what we can do to drop sizes and lose weight, etc.
This was never a problem before all this "convenience" food was created and marketed so heavily. All this extra "stuff" was added to food to make it last longer, and taste "better" so people would want it more and has created such an issue.

I hate the whole discussion of "being good/being bad" about your food choices. I hate having so much weight (no pun intended) and added stress put on people. I believe whole-heartedly that if something is "forbidden" or "bad," people will want it more because of that.

I eat really healthfully on a normal and I don't even really like the taste of packaged things because theyre usually too sweet or salty or what-have-you but it's obviously convenient and thats why those products have thrived.

I also definitely have a sweet tooth and it has just taken over lately.... Its weird how that happens, you get tired or in any sort of funk (even if you cant really feel it) and you just throw it all away, in a sense. You reach for that instant gratification....but it doesnt gratify so you keep trying all these things and it just doesnt work but you're in too deep to truly understand what's happening. Its like you're sugar drunk - you cant see or think clearly - and then sugar-hungover, where your head hurts and your body aches, but you have no energy to do anything to make it better.

I like to plan because I get to decide what I want... and then it doesnt get out of control. but sometimes when I plan or "watch" what eat, I eat too little and then get too hungry.
I actually try not to stress about it and just eat what I want so there's no deprivation but then I just get lazy because I havent been planning and I dont have anything prepared when Im ready to chew my arm off so I just grab whats convenient - usually snacks that dont satisfy me so it becomes a huge "trend" for a while of off-kilter eating.

And thats exactly what just happened --- I got busy and stressed with other stuff and stopped cooking dinners and packing lunches and got into the habit of buying food at work, which is neither the most healthy nor good for my "other stress" (my bank account). And then I wasnt feeling satisfied because I wasnt getting full nutrients from my meals - or it wouldnt be complete because I didnt want to spend more money/there is no store close-by to grab an apple or something fresh - so I would be really hungry (and tired!) in the afternoon when I was done working.
So then instead of working out after work like I planned, I would go home and snack and schedule the workout for later (which would never come) since I wouldnt want to workout on a full stomach.

UGH.

In addition to all of this, my sleep schedule got messed up too because of it all (not eating right and especially not working out) and that turned into a huge pattern of coming home after work because I was tired but not wanting to nap due to "fear" that it would keep me up, so would instead just lounge forever and then still not be able to go to sleep "on time" because of the stimulation from the computer screen (most likely) and then finding other things I needed to do, stress from all sorts of things and just general lethargy - not wanting to go to sleep because I was bored.

how weird is that?! my eyes would be burning from sleepiness and yet I wouldnt allow myself to go to sleep because I .... I dont even know how to explain my so-called "reasoning" but its like I was bored; I wasnt doing anything, really, during the day, and I wasnt doing anything at night, so I felt like it wasnt time to go to bed yet? or something... like I said, I dont even know.

ANYWAY, once again, I have decided to change that.

Like I said, I dont normally eat much sugar but I have been really reliant on it lately, for whatever reason. Just eating junk like crazy and I really feel it. My body just hurts and I know that is the reason. SO, just for a few weeks, I'm going to cut out ALL sugar, and salt and processed anything, as a sort of "detox" - just give my body pure, whole food. (Which is what I do most of the time anyway, but just, like I said, make it an absolute rule.)

Also, several months ago, I gave up coffee completely and I never felt better, and then after I lost my job, I went back off the wagon, so to speak. So Im going to do that again.

This is not going to turn into a food blog but I just thought it would be easier to keep my goals in check if I made it a concrete habit of detailing everything - theres a saying that you can do something everyday or only once but you cant do something just sometimes. and I believe that.

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me on this, I will try to make it as interesting as possible :)

Wish me luck!