"endorphins make you happy"

I recently lost my job. ...which was a blessing in disguise and went really gung-ho on applying for a new one. One that would would actually challenge me, need actual skills and experience, and thus, not be as easy to get.

Needless to say, I still have not gotten any jobs.

The first bit was extremely freeing and really liberating and fun: I got to catch up

on all the things I hadnt had time to do; talk to all the friends I had neglected; get out of town and not have to hurry back, etc. I was working out, cooking, generally enjoying my free time.

But then, the newness of said freedom wore off and the applying-and-never-hearing-anything got (really) old. I sort of fell into a (very-) mini-depression of boredom and lack of desire to do anything. I stopped working out for those few days and basically laid around the house all day long, which put me even deeper into depression-mode.... I would sleep in late, do nothing but stare at the computer, checking facebook (literally) every five seconds to see if anything had changed, which of course it hadnt, and was BORED out of my M-I-N-D!!

I forced myself to leave the house, ending up heading for Alberta for no other reason than to wander aimlessly down the street (and initially to search for a g/f, s/f, vegan bakery I saw online), which is exactly what I ended up doing. So, although it got me out of the house, into the warmth and sunshine, it did not cure the boredom-blues.

Today again, I went out to lunch with my grandparents, who are adorably precious, and I was not necessarily bored, but I had that antipathy deeply rooted within me that I just could not shake. Although I had coffee, iced tea, and then again more coffee, I felt tired. I sat once again staring at my computer screen, not actually doing anything... but searching desperately,

emptily.

I knew I had to get away from the computer. Not wanting to turn off the only thing keeping me somewhat-sane and content, my randomized itunes playlist humming in the background, I moved to the couch and read/scanned a magazine, begging for the inspiration and energy to work out as I longed for but just couldnt drag myself to do... Then I laid, curled up on the couch for a while, thinking; trying not to think, fantasizing about just going to sleep right then.

Unable to sleep and unable to turn off my mind, I start to get "hungry" but didnt know for what. I didnt have anything immediately available and the last thing I wanted to do was cook. I nibbled but nothing tasted good.

Finally, mostly due to being freezing! in my room, I forced myself to go workout. I will feel better, I told myself: my legs were starting to tingle from lack of movement in the past few days, and it will warm me up.

I cranked the heat in the car, despite the sun still being out, and summoned all my willpower to get myself from the car into the gym. Ill go easy; just do a little cardio.

It was exactly what I needed. 30 minutes on the elliptical, even at a higher resistance level than usual. Sweat out all the boredom, apparently, and the negative energy, and came home happy, rejuvenated and full of energy.

I decided that I would no longer waste my time off; I would make my "funemployment" FUN!

I have vowed to do something different everyday. It doesnt have to be new, as in the first time, necessarily, but something that I dont do on a regular basis, or havent done in a while.

Meanwhile, I had already made some of these "new funtivities" plans in my funk, but they were more ideas that were not really shaping into realities (and thus adding to the depression as well). BUT today (tonight, really), I turned over a new leaf. Im not going to just wait-and-see....

Im going to plan and make everyday an adventure: hiking in the gorge, day-tripping to the

beach, paddle-boarding, going to Kah-nee-ta, exploring the city, learning to rock-climb, 'floating' the river, skydive, play laser tag, bike! .... and so many more things.

Oh yeah, and be out of the house everyday by 9am, even if its just for an hour.

"Endorphins make you happy!"

I somehow always "forget" that, and "remember" after the first work out after a hiatus, even if I know it the whole time I consciously decide to be lazy.

Another thing I decided was to not get online tonight and just go to sleep so I could be well-rested to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (I have a haircut at 9 :)), but I read for an hour, turned out the light but again could not turn off my brain. I think now that I have written my plans, expending some of the excitement about it/them, and also forcing me to make them a reality, I will feel much better....