Make it work.

I'm running a 15K in 2 weeks from today (March 13th).

And although I signed up for it in January, had a training schedule all planned out for me, and had plenty of time to train, I haven't been.

Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator, huh?

In addition to being a natural-born procrastinator (thanks, Dad!), I know part of it is because of the hibernation I was talking about last night. Maybe the winter blues hit me extra hard this year because I usually go somewhere sunny in December or early January and I didnt this year... hmmmm. (but maybe not - it's probably because I got sick and was too busy to really recover so it took me extra long to get back to 100%)

Another part of the reason I dropped off the training train is the fact that often once something becomes an obligation, I lose interest and abandon it. It's happened my whole life, with sports/teams/clubs, with jobs/school, with guys....

And another part of it is that I have a problem with taking on more than I can handle. I know that I do, but I always believe I can do it all and still have time for socializing, exercising AND cooking, cleaning, sleeping, etc.

But I cant always do it all. I'm learning that now (though it seems I have 'learned' it so many times before).

It feels like I used to be able to: work 12-hour shifts, or 3 jobs in one day.
But maybe it's just my memory defaulting to the positives and blocking out the not-always-great times. Or maybe it was that I would do it all for a couple days and then crash; or work like crazy...but only for a month at a time - not 3 months. And I would do all that, but not anything else.

Any way you look at it, I can still do it, but it's not worth it anymore.
Something will always suffer and lately it has been the cooking, exercising, sleeping aspects of my life.

I know it is terrible to push myself to run a distance I haven't appropriately trained for, but I know I can do it. I always make it work in the end. Quickly approaching deadlines are what motivate me; I need the pressure.

Do I wish I had trained in the "right" way, like I planned? Of course. But that is in the past and there's nothing I can do now but prepare myself the best I can for the race and listen to my body during the race and not be too proud to walk or slow down if I need to.

And so, even though I'm tired and it's windy and cold, and I really just want to get back in my bed and watch a movie on netflix, I am going to go for a run.
Because I really need to, but also because I know I will feel better once I do.