isn't it my turn to be loved?

even though I know Im loved by many friends and family, I still just feel like isnt it my turn to be loved romantically?

I feel terrible saying so because I have turned down "suitors" (for lack of a better term) and feel like I have no right to complain. But, while those men may have loved me, I did not love them and that's no good for anyone.

And similarly, the ones I love don't love *me*

Why? Why can't I have what seemingly all the people around me have? mutual love that was seemingly effortless happened upon.

How does that happen!? How do people meet? I dont get it!

Am I looking in the wrong spots? Am I sending out signals insinuating I am not "in the market"? And why am I *not* sending those same invisible signals to the ones I have no interest in that leech to me?

it's probably seeing love all around me lately and feeling lonely and like every aspect of my life is kind of completely in shambles right now and helpless and hopeless to do anything about it.

(plus the p.m.s. doesn't help at all!)

Wow, this is a really sad post; Im sorry.