things I know to be true today. aka I'm a walking contradiction {explained}

one:

I have a love/hate relationship with being on time.

If you know me, though, you know I'm always late. always.

I don't really *like* to be late, but I actually really dislike being early.

It's such a weird thing to dislike. but I do.

and I thrive on the pressure of being late. the adrenaline that rushes when you're stressed about missing an appointment, or submitting something to a supervisor late. it's a huge motivator for me.

However, being early and being able to take your time (stroll to get where you're going instead of run, stop at the restroom on the way, etc) is really nice! and then you're early enough to not be late, but not so early that you're the first to arrive.

win/win.

two:

As much as I dislike competition, I am realizing it makes me better. (and that's what it's all about right?!)

Paddling is hard. It can be exhausting and sometimes I feel like I can't go on. and if I was alone, doing it on my own, I would just give up. But my team (and my pride/not wanting to look weak in front of my team) gives me a reason to push through.

That being said, I'm completely nervous for the race Saturday.

Unlike running where my performance is mine alone, both the work and the end result, on the boat, if I make a mistake, it affects the whole boat, the team's performance and our success.

and that makes me really nervous. (again, a huge motivator)

three:

If I get too hungry during the day, it seems harder for me to fill up.

my stomach goes into survival mode (or something?) and decides that the perfect-sized sandwich just will not do. it must have more more more until it is about to explode.

and sometimes the gravity of how full I am doesnt set in until hours later.

when I'm paddling a dragonboat. twisting and exerting at race-speed rates.

burping like mad, feeling like I'm going to throw up.

such an AWFUL feeling.

I didnt eat after 330 but it was still too late. UGH.

stomach. ache.

I also had dairy, which was a very bad choice.

"they" say not to eat dairy before a run and I've never really had much of a problem with that but I think the combination of the dairy and just being so full, and all the exerted twisting really did me in.

I feel like never want to eat again.

(of course I will. just not so much.)

Before my 15k, I ate really well all week and was really diligent about getting full nights of sleep (obviously I should do that every night, but I don't) so that is my goal for the next several days before our first race of the season on Saturday. it's especially important because we have to be in Tacoma by 8am, which makes for a realllllllly early morning!

I especially want to eat, sleep well before races Saturday. and now you know what I know to be true about myself.