plans, adapted

yesterday, on the verge of tears all day - because of crying in my dream

and even though I felt on top of the world on Monday, like everything was coming together, I felt like all the prospects and plans had crumbled.

Coffee wasnt absorbing into my system properly, I was cranky and on-edge, and on the verge of tears all day.... just one of those days, you know?

Luckily today is a new day and those feelings have minimized ... somewhat.

Im not on the verge of tears anymore, the coffee seems to be waking me up better, Im more at peace.

I have this problem in that I make a plan and get my hopes up around that plan. But plans are meant to be broken, just like rules :), and they always change. I love change and I know I would change course down the road anyway if they were going according to my initial plan, but right now, I want, and need, some stability in my life.

I want (need) to know that I am going to have a steady job, that I actually enjoy!, in the next several months. I want to work my ass of right NOW so that I can go to Seattle to see Lindsey when shes in town mid-December, and not worry about the fact that I must take time off over New Years to go to New York. And I want to have a job that challenges me; that is not mind-numbing, not easy, not the same that I have always done; a job I can grow into.