Happy Birthday, baby

My kitty's birthday is on Halloween.

Well, we're not exactly sure the exact date but since it's close enough, we have always considered it that way.....and it's fun to say that it's Halloween because she's a black cat :)

I've never celebrated her birthday, but tonight (technically yesterday) she turned 21, and I think that deserves celebration!

She has been getting very weak the past several weeks, and especially the past few days - tonight I found her laying in her, luckily freshly cleaned!, litter box!!! She's having trouble breathing, and is getting quite skittish ......and yet has, only in the past 6 months or so, become adventurous (and active) enough to explore the upstairs level of our house, which she would never dare to do before!

We (and by that I mean, I) had a scare last year that we were going to have to put her to sleep, but I couldnt do it and it's a darn good thing because she's lasted so long.

But as terrifying as it was, it has helped me prepare for when the time actually does come.

I've always proclaimed that she's going to live forever in wishful thinking, and mostly as a way to hide my true terror about the matter, but, while she's not exactly proving me wrong, I know deep in my heart that it's not true. And trust me, as much as I've prepared myself and thought about that moment, (and even had a dream the other night that I watched her die!).... enough to think that I will be ready for it and calm when it happens, I know I will be a wreck.

I got her for Christmas when I was 5, after Santa called my parents and told them about a kitty living in an unfit home. We went to the house, and, I still remember: it was chaotic - a giant, squaking, parrot in a cage, animals running around like crazy, messy and dirty every direction....

Bringing her home, we discovered she had a broken tail, and she was always skittish around everyone but me. She was my baby from the very beginning and she used to sleep with me, sprawled across my chest, purring away. Even now, with failing eyesight and hearing, she still knows when I come home; my grandma thinks she can smell when I come in.... who knows.

Anyway, without being too sappy or silly, she's the love of my life and I'll never be able to replace her.

Happy Birthday, baby! I love you ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Im a horrible cat mommy

p.s. remember when I said I was going to be prepared? oh man, am I in trouble; Im crying just writing this!